Making sense of ‘Modi’fication

Jane Austen, describing Emma, spells out her flaws to be, “The real evils indeed of Emma's situation were the power of having rather too much her own way, and a disposition to think a little too well of herself…The danger, however, was at present so unperceived, that they did not by any means rank as misfortunes with her…”

Well, this ought to be rather interesting, as centuries later, these same attributes, please note the word here is attributes and not flaws (lest I be arrested for sedition!), are shared by our venerable, noble PM, a 66 year old man with a 56 inch chest! Now, whether the PM has actually measured his chest personally, had it measured by his trusted aides or whether it is a metaphorical reference to his feats as a leader of the masses, only the PM will be able to throw light upon, perhaps at the next rock concert. Lesser mortals such as myself should suffice to bow down or cower in obeisance, else my nationality, nationalism and credentials as a Hindu might be called into serious scrutiny. He can never be accused of being lenient with the tardy dissenters, and as his venerable self had expounded in one of the televised interviews, one cannot feel sorry for a puppy being run over while heading towards the larger good and welfare of the citizenry as a whole. Now, these words might be chilling in a democratic set up, a leader of the masses, a visionary implying nonchalance on the collateral damage. But, the fault dear reader, “lies in our stars”, our starry eyed, myopic outlook towards our celebrities and leaders. Starved for role models, decisive leadership and clear articulation of policies, we wilfully and foolishly based our choice with an intent to stave off another idiot and mommy’s boy, from ruling the roost. The mandate was against the centuries old Congress, specialising in scams and policy paralysis, headed by a mumbling old gentleman. In our enthusiasm to root them out, we voted a man who belaboured on his physical prowess (56 inches chest), vociferously vilified a Gandhi legacy and blurred the lines of history and mythology, while promoting himself as a mythic figure that would save this nation of 6 billion people with the claim, nah, proclamation of “achche din”. Now, dear reader please note that he never specified whom the achche din would embrace. Now, in hindsight, if this resonates with the recent folly of US which has thrown up a Trump card, we can at least take solace that the phrase, ignorant masses, is no longer a euphemistic response to Indians alone. Phew! we did manage it finally, our thinking matches that of the US and of the UK, our former masters! Can we now exult in unison for thinking like the White Man?!

Sorry, I digress, it is an affront in these days of the Saffron to take pride in anything that is non Indian, instead, let me suffice to say that impulse and hate is also a Make (and Made) in India, and we now need to copyright that forthwith. Speaking of copyright, I wonder if this effort would result in any monetary benefits, i.e. if there is a payment in the pipeline for this admission?! I would certainly insist on the payment being made through paytm, or through a card, no cash for me post November 8th. Neither am I a dissenter, an anti-national nor one with black money to entertain illegal cash transactions that my leader is taking such pains to root out. We are expressing our solidarity by routinely taking off from work to engage in productive activities like lining up before the ATM centres and at the Banks to either trade in the illegal tender, or withdraw the odd note to tease a fruit and vegetable vendor with, or to simply admire the colour and texture of the new notes, a cheerful futschia pink and green ones! What our venerable PM has not yet pointed out is that while the pink ones promote his  beti bachaon abhiyan, the green ones show reverence to the hard working, kisans, routinely committing suicide. Wouldn't their families be thrilled that their deaths have not gone unacknowledged, each time a naagrik uses the 500 rupee note or each farmer family that is compensated will and should recall this noble vision of our Pradhan Mantri! It is a different matter that the 500 rupee ones are in short supply and the 2000 rupee ones celebrating the girl child is omnipresent. Maybe this is the reason the pink notes are frowned upon in keeping with the bhartiya sabhyata towards the womenfolk. Nevertheless, we must desist from complaining as this is a “short term pain for long term gains”, both the PM and the finance minster have repeatedly promised this. 

Despite such astute counsel and persistent reminders over the radio, the PM’s Man ki baat is not easy to comprehend, let alone follow. The pseudo Hindus in the Opposition parties, intellectuals and artists have often tried to malign his goodwill with insidious remarks and adjectives branding him an autocrat, and a megalomaniac with scant respect for the parliamentary process. But the ardent followers shall not be induced to self doubt by these lesser mortals, because we know that these are the people who are “crying for their lost money”. Long queues outside the banks, a sudden crash in the GDP and in the growth index, and cynical dismissals issued by the ilk of Shashi Tharoor and Raghuram Rajan, are only defectors and anti nationals who are sullying the honour of a leader who has left his home and hearth “to serve the nation”. How many rallies, concerts or radio interviews can the PM possibly address? Have they not considered that even Bollywood celebrities like the Khans are completely on board with this move? Have they not been watching the government endorsed adverts suggesting cashless economy and paying through mobile phones? Have they not learnt that the coffers of our banks is brimming over with the deposited amount by its citizenry?

It surely is a wilful, malicious propaganda that deliberates on the deaths caused by demonetisation, as if the Sun had no role to play, in the heat induced strokes? It again is mindless rigidity that does not heed to the ‘modi”fying practices of a visionary. Instead of lamely complaining about inability to access one’s own money, isn’t it the need of the hour to watch the incessant beaming of our PM’s visit to the US, UK, and other countries, where he is accorded unprecedented reception? We need to take cues from our successful brethren, the Adanis, Ambanis and their ilk, who do not waste their time and energy in opposing a great leader. This is one of the reasons why they feature on the Forbes List, unlike the general populace, sweating it out on the streets. It is true that ill informed minions need to be properly guided by a party devoted to ‘creating’ history than merely accepting what is believed to be history.

Therefore, the answers, dear reader are fairly simple, and more significantly, practical. With adequate thought channelling (not thought control!) made possible by our PM’s active endorsement of Yoga, a sound adherence to being a Hindu and understanding that all this money is maaya (no pun on mayawati!) and a devotion to the nation first manifesto by singing out the national anthem routinely and chanting Jai Hind, one can easily tide over such temporary “inconveniences”. I, for one, have already made this part of my morning routine by having our Pradhan Mantriji cooing into my ears his gentle notes of Bhaiyon aur behno to begin my day that is marked by practising Yoga, even as I listen to and sing the National Anthem in gusto, followed by opting to wear the saffron salwar or the khadi suit and heading out to work with the Vandemataram playing on my car stereo. Add to this the fact, that like my PM, I too am a Singleton albeit with no past history of child marriages, as I hail from the South and such glorious tradition is shunned by my irreverent ancestors. However, considering my gender, I shall desist from revealing whether my chest size is 56, 36 or… 

Jai Hind!

A G K

19 December, 2016